Tuesday, 14 May 2019

The Wave

Yesterday, for mental health awareness week, I shared a story about condor.

Today’s subject is The Wave - because we all have mental health.

The Wave

Love was a wave and she was a very lonely wave. She had traveled the globe in search of something more than the life she had. Surely there must be more to life than rising and falling and being dictated to by the bright glowing circle in the sky. She’d tried to ask other waves if they felt the same as her, but they never stayed around long enough to give her an answer. From watching them she thought they looked satisfied enough.The sounds they made when the wind whipped them against the cliffs in far flung places certainly sounded like enjoyment to her. Although she did wonder about that having never had the courage to actually have a go herself. Instead she chose to hang back and watch as other waves moved forward and took the momentum. She had tried to change her shape like some waves in order that she may take the surfers into her very centre and yet she hung back scared of hurting them. She’d also tried to do that thing with the air to make her very edges all white and foamy. But she withdrew fearing she’d not be able to go back to how she was. She envied those waves who had the confidence to carry large ships towards their destination in their wake.

It was on one such day when she’d really had enough with herself. She really was useless she felt and couldn’t do anything all the other waves could. Either she didn’t have the courage, the experience, or the expertise. She also didn’t have any wave to ask questions and share it all with. 

It was in this heavy and depressing mood that she felt herself dragged down. Dragged deeper than she’d ever been before. Deeper, darker, colder. If she had felt fear in the past it was nothing to how she felt now. Down and down she went, deeper, darker, colder. Her thoughts slowed right down, as if time itself was starting to move into slow motion. Deeper, darker, colder.

Until she finally came to a stop. She couldn’t see anything; she couldn’t feel anything, and she was struggling to think anything. She realised she was very tense and tried very hard to relax and allow some space between every fiber of her being. As she did this, she realised that she felt a little better. As a result she continued trying this type of relaxing for the next few … well she didn’t really know what they were really …they could have been seconds, minutes, hours, days or even weeks, all we can say is that as time passed, she felt lighter. She practised very hard allowing space in between every fibre of her being. She couldn’t do it all at once. She had to pick some part of her and concentrate very hard on that part and just breath and allow space inside. It was as if, part by part, she was getting lighter and brighter and...was it her imagination or was she feeling a little warmer too?

What she found, however, was as soon as she started to wonder about what was happening, how it was happening, and try to make it go quicker, she started to feel the cold, she started to emanate less light. Each time she then had to take a breath and start all over again. Slowly working her away around each part of herself. Over time she was able to hold on to this lighter and brighter state for longer. She found she didn’t have to concentrate quite so hard and could still manage to maintain this lighter and brighter state.

Finally, she managed to be the lighter and brighter state. It was as if she had changed. It was if she was no longer the wave trying to be brighter, trying to be lighter she was simply a bright and light wave. She puzzled over this for some time. She still felt like she was still herself, but she somehow knew she was different. The added brightness and added lightness had in some way changed her.

Of course, what she had failed to notice was that once she was this different state she had also started to rise. Until finally when she neared the surface and noticed her own lightness reflected in the water around her. She came to the surface and took a deep breath and allowed the rays of the sun to warm her. She looked around her and could see many waves all with the same lightness and same brightness as her. She felt an acceptance from them that she had never felt before. An acceptance for who she was and not what she could or couldn’t do.

She stayed with the other waves for many moons. She did many things she’d never tried before.  She especially enjoyed the rushing into caves and being dragged back out with the momentum of those around her. She even had time to perfect the tender holding of surfers as they danced within her very self.

One day after such an exciting day she started to feel different. She started to feel even brighter and even lighter. As if even the very binds that were holding every part of her together were being pulled gently apart. Having been in the deep, dark and cold place before she didn’t consider this scary and even felt some excitement about what was happening. Consequently, she simply allowed the transformation to take place. Until it was as if she was everything and everywhere all at the same time. There was certainly more ease, even more light and bright just wasn’t the word for it. She just was and realised of course that she had always been all that there is: LOVE.

Alison Smith
Landscaping Your Life

My first Landscaping Your Life book, Can't see the wood for the trees, has been described by one reader on Amazon as "first aid kit for the brain".  To find out more about the book see this post, you can buy it from all online stockists all listed here.

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