Speaking with confidence

Over the years I've used many different techniques to support clients in building their confidence whether that's speaking or more generally at work. 

One of the more regular contributors to lack of confidence when speaking, however, is what's going on in your head. That is the internal picture you're seeing, or story you're telling yourself, as you prepare to speak and then attempt to speak. 

Imagine for a moment the following landscape (or another that you personally don't like):

Imagine you're there and notice what you notice about how you feel? What's happening in your mind? What about your body? 

Now consider speaking as you hold this image in your mind. How confident do you feel? How easy is it to consider success, achievement and connection to the audience? How easy is to imagine what you want to say. 

For many this picture represents the little voice inside that's saying "you can't do it" "you're not important" "no-one will listen" as your energy plummets and your fight of flight mechanism kicks in, and shuts off access to the part of your mind that knew what to say. 

Now imagine this landscape (or one of a favourite landscape) 

What difference do you notice? How do you feel? What about your body? As you imagine speaking with this image in your mind what happens to your confidence? What happens to your expectation of success? Connection with others?

This image represents the internal cheerleader, the voice that says "go for it" "you can do it" "woooooop" and allows your energy to soar and words to appear effortlessly to convey concisely, and inspirationally, your message. 

The only thing we changed between the two experiences was the picture. I suspect many who have problems with speaking have an image similar to the first in their mind. The key therefore is ensuring the picture in your mind is one that lifts and inspires you, and the negative chatter can't help but be silenced. 

Next time you're in need of more confidence - consider the landscape that you're imagining to represent the situation and change it for a more resourceful one.

NB: You may want to trial a number of different landscapes ahead of time until you find the one that's just right for you. it might also be context specific. With a conversation with your boss needing a different landscape to one for when you're standing up and speaking to a room full of people.

Do let me know how you get on, or call me if you'd like some help +44 (0)7770 538159.

Alison Smith

Landscaping Your life

Inspiring change inside and out

Connecting with your audience

We’ve all been there. We’ve sat and listened to someone speak and wished they hadn’t bothered.

Yet we meet them afterwards and wonder who the person was on the stage? The person in front of us is animated, interesting, we believe every word, can engage with what they’re saying and want to know more. We even consider inviting them to speak at a conference until we remember the catastrophe on the stage.

I want to explore something that often comes as a surprise to fellow speakers when I give them feedback and that’s how we use our energy.

I don’t mean energy levels that are addressed through appropriate diet, exercise and sleep. I mean the type of energy we can feel when we walk in the room and can tell it’s a place we want to be or not, or the type of energy that we feel when someone is passionate about what they’re saying. What we do with our energy when speaking has an impact on us, our audience and our message in the same way.

The problem is people often provide more logical and rational reasons for their feedback on our keynote and it often ignores what I believe to be one of the major blocks for many speakers. Feedback is getting closer when we hear:

• It’s not coming from your heart
• You’re in your head too much
• You didn’t connect with the audience
• You didn’t connect with the message
• It just wasn’t you up there
• You looked like a headless chicken
• You were talking AT not TO me

These all arise because of what we’re doing with our energy and our energy is impacted by what’s happening inside us. For example we might be imagining our message is a bullet and the audience feel this as being shot at, or we might have a metaphorical wall around us and the audience experiences this as aloofness or even arrogance. Being aware of the internal representation(s) we have when we’re speaking and ensuring they support our objectives is essential.

Here are a few tips on how to recognise when you might need to take action and some examples of internal representations you might consider:

Grounding

• You know you’ve lost it when: You feel tense and are pacing up and down and can’t stop moving.
• Others know you’ve lost it when: They start to feel agitated and distracted.
• You know you’ve got it when: You feel as if you have all the time in the world.
• Others know you’ve got it when: They are calm and feel the power of your words.
• Internal representation/metaphor to consider: Anything that grounds you – often from the feet e.g. roots, heavy boots (not wearing them - unless they match your outfit - just imagining you've got them on), anchor etc.

Connection

• You know you’ve lost it when: You feel isolated from the audience and may even start to panic.
• Others know you’ve lost it when: They start talking to each other and are not paying attention to you.
• You know you’ve got it when: You feel like you’re talking to your friends.
• Others know you’ve got it when: They feel included in a discussion with you.
• Internal representation/metaphor to consider: Anything that provides a connection with the audience - often from the heart e.g. tracks, golden chains etc.

Communication

• You know you’ve lost it when: You can’t remember what you are going to say next.
• Others know you’ve lost it when: They feel confused and don’t understand what you’re saying.
• You know you’ve got it when: You find the right words easily and effortlessly.
• Others know you’ve got it when: They can’t wait to hear what you have to say next.
• Internal representation/metaphor to consider: Anything that offers and delivers the message – often from the head e.g. light, flowing water etc

You may notice in the examples given that the picture for communication is also very grounding, or that the grounding picture relates to connection. Often once we find and embody the right metaphor grounding, connection AND communication can take place. 


What’s your metaphor and does it work for or against your success?

Alison Smith
Landscaping Your life
Inspiring change inside and out



Pictures copyright my brother :-) Andrew Jones Photography

PS: Do please get in touch if you'd like a coaching session providing energetic feedback on your leadership or speaking. It's likely to explore aspects you've not covered before and could be what's holding you back from truly connecting with others alison@alisonsmith.eu +44 (0)7770 538159