Don't speak ill of another

Napoleon Hill is reported as saying 

"If you must speak ill of another, do not speak it, write it in the sand near the water's edge."

I assume to allow the water to take the thought away.

Why not try it and see what happens - you might just be surprised. 

If you don't live near a beach then writing it on a piece of paper and then ripping it up or setting fire to it (safely) would work. Alternatively writing it in sand in your garden, or children's sandpit, and then watering it would too. Basically anything that allows the thought to be expressed and then expunged (if that's the right word?).

Such a great idea, and aligns well with sayings that keep us stuck too - such as:

• Getting out of a rut,
• Burying our heads in the sand 
• Burning bridges

Have fun - because fun can still provide great insight and release.
 
Alison Smith
Landscaping Your Life
Inspiring change inside and out

I'm stuck in a rut

The language we use often provides a gateway into our mind. That is it explains how we've internally represented a situation. Previous blogs have explored phrases we use such as no pain no gain, burning bridges and burying our head in the sand. Yesterday I read a blog that referred to being 'stuck in a rut'. I'd like to share in this blog one of the very simple techniques in the landscaping your life toolkit and apply it to this phrase.

This technique assumes that saying "I'm stuck in a rut" is describing your internal representation of the current situation. Which means if you can change how you're representing it in your mind you may be able to find solutions that currently are hidden from you. 

To change the internal representation is really very easy: 

1. Find a rut, 
2. Stand in the rut 
3. Step out of the rut
4. Notice what you notice about the situation.
5. Be surprised with that you discover.

There's a video blog on this I did some time ago if you'd like to see it in practice.

Next time you find yourself in a rut remember it might be much easier than you think to get out of it.

Alison Smith
Landscaping Your Life
Inspiring change inside and out

Up a creek without a paddle

This post have moved to my new website

 

I don't want to burn any bridges

"I don't want to burn my bridges" a client said in a coaching session. They were resisting taking their business to the next level and the coaching session's aim was to identify the reason for the resistance and if possible to let it go. This comment was made as we explored the reason for the resistance.

The language we use provides so much more information about what's going on inside. Exploring the meaning of the language, therefore, will then help us make shifts within. Which in turn allows us to take different actions on the outside. After all, if it was easy we'd have taken the necessary action by now and never have any problems. Something is stopping us from doing what we say we want to do. Since no other person is stopping us from making a different choice the only culprit is ourself and our mind. And the language we use is one way we have of understanding what is really going on in our mind.

Here's how the Landscaping Your Life process worked in this situation and, perhaps the best way of explaining it, helped the mind see the error in it's logic. 

Talk of burning bridges led to a discussion about building bridges and crossing bridges. Which led to a realisation that the situation felt like that depicted below:

Except there was no leaping required just a bridge that they were afraid would burn. As they envisaged crossing from the side they were on to the side they wanted to be, the bridge kept getting longer. No wonder if felt like a relentless and fruitless exercise. I can't envisage what it must have been like to be on the bridge expecting it to burn any minute! Feeling like the situation was like this certainly explained much of their behaviour they'd explained was taking place. 

After checking that the other side of the gap was where they wanted to be, we explored the different ways of getting over the gap. At the time we were standing at the top of a hill behind Burntisland looking across the Forth river to Edinburgh so we used that gap as the metaphor for the current situation. We could see the Forth rail and road bridges as potential options. In addition to building another bridge (and they're even doing that at the moment) other options to get to the other side included: sailing, swimming, canoeing, jet skiing, hovercrafting, submarine (which isn't as unlikely as it seems here), lilo, paragliding, plane and zip wire.     

As we explored each of these it became apparent that the zip wire was the preferred route as "it's quick and I don't have an option to change my mind." So we spent some time there on the top of the hill envisaging safely taking a zip wire across to Edinburgh and noticing how if felt once they got there.

As we walked back down the hill later on my client seemed much less worried about burning bridges and was starting to identify strategies of how to take their business to the next level. From the language used I'd suggest the resistance had been reduced or even released.

For those used to talking through problems this process may seem very alien. One reason it works is because we don't get caught up with the content of the problem. We don't allow "she said this, then he said that and then you'll never guess what happened next" to get in the way of observing what's really going on. To see the patterns and metaphors that explain the underling situation and also provide potential solutions and options available.

If you're metaphorically burning, building or crossing bridges today you may just want to think about what that really means. 

Alison Smith

Landscaping Your Life
Inspiring change inside and out

Is your head buried in the sand

On face value the phrase 'burying your head in the sand' is about seeing and doing nothing and ignoring what ever is going on. In the hope, I assume, that when our head is out of the sand the situation will somehow have changed. However as my video blog last week reminded us if we keep doing the same thing we'll keep getting the same response. (NB: Due to a laughter filled start you may want to turn the sound down a little first.)

So I wondered what the landscaping your success process would have to say on the matter. It uses nature as metaphors for success and when 'burying our head in the sand' I'd suggest we're using nature as a metaphor for the opposite!

Whilst its a phrase often used by others to describe someone else I'm going to assume its also a phrase we use about ourselves. Which allows us to explore the landscape we're describing. After all using that term means the landscape (head in sand) represents how we're thinking about the situation. Which in turn impacts how we react to it and the opportunities for action we can either see or not see.

"Head in sand" to me suggests a desert. Which means when I pull my head out of the sand all I'm going to do is see more and more sand. Nothing but sand that stretches on to the horizon and  uncomfortable heat! I can see why it's a situation we can't see the opportunities for action that exist within it.
 

Now its time to play around with the internal picture we have and see what happens:

• Head could be in a sand pit surrounded by children laughing and playing creative games - so how about joining in with them for a while and noticing what solutions appear.
• Head could be in sand adjacent to an oasis and all you need to do is walk to it and take a cool long drink of water and sit in the shade for a while.
• Or like me in the picture you could be on the local beach and just need to walk away - NOW!

I know this might all sound weird but its no weirder than what we're doing when we describe ourselves as "burying our head in the sand". It's not a reality but is impacting how we're thinking and therefore behaving. The exploration here is simply providing the brain with a few more options to consider. One of which might open the connection within your brain to the solution to the current situation. After all we do know what to do we're just allowing fear to feed the resistance to not knowing.

Other options include: 

• Taking the sunglasses, hat and all the protection from the sun off and realising they've been distorting the situation and you're already in a flourishing rainforest (or landscape that makes sense to you).
• Getting out the iPhone and calling international rescue and being flown to another landscape.
• Taking your head out of the sand and realising you're surrounded by other explorers and you have all the necessary equipment and experts to get out of there.
• Waking from a dream realising you've already got all the resources you need in the current situation and that was simply a nightmare and it's time to start living a different dream in reality.

Next time you think you might be burying your head in the sand remember - its all plain sailing from here.

Alison Smith

Landscaping Your Life

Inspiring change inside and out

Are you getting enough perspective?

Perspective is very important if we want to be able to clearly understand where we are to plot a course to where we want to be.

The answer to how far away is the rock in the picture from my house in Burntisland, and therefore, how long will it take me to walk there, and how long will I have to do that safely, are very difficult to determine from this picture from the window at home. 

You might be able to establish some of the answers when there are people, or horses as in this photo, standing next to it when the tide is out - as it's only then I realise it's bigger than it looks.

Perspective also comes from being able to see the rock in context, as shown from the top of the hill at the back of Burntisland in this picture:

Or from different angles and at different times of the tide. 

Or, perhaps using maps is the only way to get a better understanding - at least that provides an accurate scale.

It's only after all this information is known and compared and analysed that the answer to "how far away is the rock?" is: further away, bigger, taller and wider than I first thought. Only then that I can accurately determine how to deal with the situation. Which in this case involved walking there an hour before low tide as demonstrated by this video blog I recorded once I got there on having the right tools for the job.

How can you get more perspective on a challenge in your life? 

Alison Smith

Landscaping Your Life
Inspiring change inside and out

PS: I think perhaps those who designed this poster should perhaps read the blog too, and understand what perspective would look like for 'best days out'. 

I know the pictures show Burntisland to be a great place but I worry for the rest of Scotland if the best day out would be had from coming here! Then that's just from my perspective - kidlets might enjoy the fair and the beach.

Talk - don't write

Much of my work involves improving communication so I wondered when I saw this picture what can we take from these bees?

A big warning I suspect that we're often too quick to commit something in writing. How often have already difficult relationships escalated due to a hasty email being sent and the other person misinterpreting what was written?

If you were sending a letter and came to this post box you'd certainly think twice before posting it. I suggest we need to do the same when we send emails. Especially when what we're communicating is important to us or the other person.

Who do you need to pick up the phone and speak to rather than send an email?

Alison Smith
Landscaping your Life
Inspiring change inside and out

Are you using all your senses

Not all causes to problems are obvious which is why you need to observe all the clues that are available to help point you in the right direction.

In the video above I use the movement that we can see in the field of wheat to determine where the wind is and the direction in which it's headed. You can also hear the impact of the wind as I speak as it's picked up by the video recorder. I remember sitting in a tent in a gale and hearing the wind approaching as it moved through the adjacent avenue of trees.

In a situation you'd like more clarity on what can you observe (see/hear/feel) to help you get to the root of the problem?

Alison Smith
Landscaping your Life 
Inspiring change inside and out

Impatience does not serve us

I've spent a lot of time in traffic over the last couple of days and have encountered a number of unhelpful outcomes of impatience:

• Frustration - I was getting very impatient with the guy in front of us this morning driving at 10 mph slower than I wanted to. My extra speed would have come to nothing once I got into this queue - and in that 5 mile stretch would normally only have saved me 2 minutes! 
• Being delayed further - When faced with this queue this morning another guy in front of us turned round to take what we felt was a short cut (In the hope of coming out of a junction at a point 10 cars in front of us) - I smiled when we came out 5 cars behind us. 
• Causing undue stress in others - Overtaking when there's insufficient space and time to do so safely.
• Injury or worse - There's too many tributes along the side of the road - many I'm sure caused by actions arising from impatience.

Every week on the A9 here in Scotland there's reports of accidents, and at least monthly fatalities. It's a normal A road interspersed with dual carriage way. The hills are long, however, and as it's the main route north it has many lorries slowing down progress. There are multiple signs telling you how far till the next dual carriage way and there's lay-bys for lorries to pull over into too. Yet drivers still allow impatience to motivate unhelpful behaviours that might lead to any one, or all, of the list above.

I wonder what nature has to teach us about impatience?

During a coaching session in June, as we walked down this path, the client shared that they were frustrated with the speed with which things were progressing on a project they were working on.

I asked them to look around and consider how much of what they could see would have been here less than 8 weeks previously. The answer of course was very little of it. The bare trees and perhaps the grass. I'm sure the path ahead would have been illuminated with light from above and not covered in growth. If we'd come here every day for every one of those 8 weeks I'm not we'd have seen much difference each day. Yet within that time so much would have changed.

Next time you get impatient try remembering the outcome you're wishing to achieve and realise you're still headed towards it - many of the behaviours I've seen demonstrated on my travels recently may just stop you achieving your outcome at all!

Alison Smith
Landscaping Your Life
Inspiring change inside and out

Incremental progress

The water on the Forth today was like a mill pond - very calm and quiet, and as a result the slow incremental movement of the tide was not noticeable.

So true in life - often the change doesn't come with a big fanfare made in big leaps just continual progress every day towards your goal until you realise you've got there. 

Alison Smith

Landscaping your Life 

Inspiring change inside and out

Incomplete patterns

One of the tools I use with clients is Landscaping Your Life (LYL).

LYL uses nature as a teacher to provide insight into situations we'd like more clarity on. There's many different ways this can be achieved. One of the most often used processes in coaching sessions is using a landscape to represent the situation. 

For example you may be feeling stressed about a situation. To use the LYL process you're asked to think of a landscape that represents the current 'stressed' situation. (Sometimes if we're outside we'll use the landscape we're in. Otherwise it's achieved through visualisation.) We then explore the landscape for clues about what changes might assist in changing how you're currently feeling. These might include changes in weather, setting, certain aspects, colour, sounds, temperature and so on. These changes are tested until you're feeling less stressed. 

That is you end up with an amended landscape that represents a less stressed state. As this internal representation changes it can't help but impact and change how you're feeling and thinking. This in turn will impact how you act in the situation. 

And yes it can be that simple. Although don't under estimate the time it can take until the landscape is 'just right'. Nor the minds capacity to want to retain the current stressed state (and therefore return to the previous landscape) and therefore trick you into thinking you've cracked it! 

Over time and many instances of using this process with myself and others I've noticed a difference between those who obtain long term changes as a result of using the process and those who have more temporary reprieve.

The difference is in the 'completeness of the landscape they envisage'.

If their solution is a stream it seems important to expand the landscape to include the whole life of the stream from high up in the mountains, through waterfalls, rivers, estuary and finally into the ocean. As demonstrated in the pictures used here. 

Other times the pattern that needs completing is the time of day - with the landscape needing to run through 24 hours. For others its the need to represent a whole month, season or even year.

The key is ensuring that what we do makes the situation better not worse.

For example if someone has spent ages feeling like they're in the dark with no light, then 'completing' the pattern isn't likely to be sunrise, sunset and returning to darkness. Completeness however will need to be found in some other element within the landscape. 

Other patterns of completion may include harvesting the fruits, following the tide from high to low, and so on.

I'm not sure yet why this is - if you have any observations I'd love for you to share them.

I think it highlights and links to our unconscious connection to nature. Something I feel strongly we should be reinforcing not ignoring nor moving away from. (Although if my recent reliance on a weather app when deciding whether to bring sheets in from the line, rather than pay attention to the dark clouds is anything to go by, I have a long way to go myself!)

Alison Smith

Landscaping your Life
Inspiring change inside and out

Landscaping Your Life, a process Alison uses with clients, is a brilliant approach, heartily recommended. Alison has extraordinary energy and an almost spooky sense of where people are and what they need. I have learned/ worked/ played alongside Alison for more than a decade and found her insights always useful"

Ruth Wallsgrove Asset Management Trainer and Consultant

Learning from nature

I have a regular personal training session in the local park in Kirkcaldy and was amazed today when my trainer took me to this group of trees. Beneath the trees the council have place stones in a circle that say:

"Trees are the earth's endless effort to speak to the listening heaven"

Wow - on sooooo many levels because:

• nature is being used as a metaphor
• nature is being used as a reminder of the endless need for communication.
• I've only just finalised the details of a workshop 'overcoming business challenges naturally'

If you have a challenge in your life you'd like insight on why not use nature as your teacher? You simply have to:

• Think of the issue
• Put the issue to the back of your mind
• Go out into nature and notice what you notice
• Return and tell the story of your journey in nature (to yourself, in writing or to others)
• Reflect on what nature has to teach you about what to do differently in the issue you first thought of
• Take the necessary action
• Let me know how you get on :-)  

What situation can you use this process to provide insight on, and when will you take the step into nature in order to allow it's wisdom into your life?

Alison Smith
Landscaping Your Life
Inspiring change inside and out

The first Landscaping Your Life session

Landscaping Your life is a tool I use in my coaching and facilitation with clients. Since its conception in April 2000 there's been many different ways that landscapes and nature have been used to obtain insight on situations whether for teams, boards of management, leadership teams, individual managers or personally.

In this post I'd like to go back in time and return to the first time I ever used it - which involves choosing a picture that best describes the current situation and then making changes to it until it's just right. (you can do this in your mind but using real pictures and cutting them up adds something to the process).

I can't tell you how you'll know 'it's just right' but you will know. It's as if as you make the changes your mind makes sense of the original situation, and the changes you make to enable it to become clearer as a result.  

Here's an example.

I pick a picture that describes the current situation

I then decide what to add or take away from the picture

and then realise I need to cut even more away 

That's better - and then add something

and again

and again

You may end up with very little of the original picture left - there is no right or wrong - it's as if you've gone on a journey from where you are, to where you want to be, and your mind will now make sense of what that means in reality. Of course you may never know what it means - you may just feel differently and the situation may just change.

Have a go yourself and notice what you notice - and let me know how you get on. Just a word of warning I've found for 99.99% of people it's useful for the landscapes to be on earth rather than out of this world. That is the normal rules of gravity apply. 

I know a number of those early guinea pigs who still have their end landscape, even 15 years later, and it's on view in their office as a reminder of the insight they gained. A sign I always think of a truly profound process - even if I say so myself :-).

Individual coaching and group facilitation sessions using Landscaping Your Life or other tools are available - so do please get in touch if you've been grappling with a challenge for some time and would like a different perspective. alison@alisonsmith.eu +44 (0)7770 538159.

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